Troubles

I've been lying low lately because I don't really know how to deal with what has come up for me. I really don't want to complain about it but at the same time I am a bit freaked out and don't really know what is going on.

Last week I had the flu. I am beginning to think it really wasn't the flu. I am thinking it was the beginning of some type of flare up that I am having. I had a fever, sore joints and fatigue last week and now I am having it again in a different way. It started a couple of days ago. My joints hurt so bad that I can hardly walk up and down the stairs. Sitting is painful on my knees to the point of extreme pain. Lifting my arms up causes pain in my shoulders and elbows. My hands and wrists are hurting as I type this. I am having a mild headache and extreme fatigue. I can't seem to keep myself awake throughout the day. I ache all over and it's going on day 3. I don't think I am thinking clearly. I feel a bit foggy and I am just too tired to give a shit about much of anything. What the hell?!

I spent most of my time alone yesterday crying and falling asleep. My husband wants me to go to the doctor which I am resisting because I have had so many bad experiences there. They usually can't find anything wrong with me. If they find something or even if they don't I know they will just give me some kind of crappy medication that I won't want to take so I don't quite see the point in going. I guess I may get a diagnosis as to what is wrong with me however I feel that all disease stems from the same imbalance in the body that manifests itself in different ways so what good will it do? I have to say that waking up in pain again today has got me thinking that I may call the doc though. I just don't know.

It is frustrating, irritating, and a bit scary. I guess I feel like I spent all of these days on my juice feast with the hopes of clearing out any issues I had and to be perfectly honest I feel worse off then I did before. I put in a call to Hippocrates Institute yesterday and I think I am going to have to call my dad and see if I can get some money to spend some time over there. I haven't told my family all the things that are wrong with me because I don't want them to worry and more importantly I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I didn't want every conversation to be about how I am feeling. I don't know how I am going to leave my kids for 3 weeks to get to Hippocrates but I can't see any other way at this point. I am beginning to get a bit freaked. I have to get better. I can't live like this and I have tried doing everything on my own and it just isn't working. I feel like I am actually getting worse!

Sorry to be a downer but I felt I needed to be honest. I will probably not be spending too much time here on the computer since I am exhausted from holding my arms up to type it. I just want to go lie down like a blob! Wish me luck. Love you all!